We went to the Minnesota State Fair yesterday. Crazy, record-setting crowds! It was us and 53,000 smiling people loving the day. And 200,000 more people who were determined to get their money out of the $5 coupon book they bought at the entrance. Even if it meant waiting 15 minutes to save 75 cents on a root beer… Damn it.
We started the day with a giant peach. Mmmm! And it was all downhill nutritionally from there. As it should be. Is Honeyweiss a grain? Do corn dogs with ketchup count as two vegetables? We did have a raspberry malt. Fruit and dairy to close out the day. That’s all good, right?
Why don’t they add more women’s restrooms? And why, in God’s name, would they put water misters over the bathroom waiting area? I waited 20 minutes for a stall while standing under running water. I thought the top of my head was going to blow. The person behind me asked if they could cut in. No way I was going to let a three-year-old ahead of me! Then the little girl grabbed my leg and her crotch at the same time and began wailing. “Fine,” I told her mother, “go ahead.”
Saw the Willis Clan (who were on America’s Got Talent). 12 siblings, several musical instruments. Beautiful Irish music; adorable kids! But we had so many questions: Do you set out to birth an entertainment act? Are they assigned instruments when they are born? Do you tell the tone-deaf ones that working the merchandise table is every bit as good as being onstage? They have taken 10 trips to Ireland as a family; why didn’t I think of the act so we could afford to travel overseas? With 12 kids. Um, never mind.
Most of the pigs in the Miracle of Birth Center had smaller litters than the Willis Clan. We spent 10 minutes trying to figure out what they were showing on the screen there. Little pigs. One big pig. A woman with a towel. We assumed an impending birth. So we got closer and were nearly crushed from behind by others driven by eager anticipation. Finally, an announcement. Yes, ladies and gentlemen! That little pig has had his temperature taken.
Never mind, we’re “finished” here, Shaina says… Let’s go find the horses.
Shaina loves anything that goes up. Ferris wheels. The Skytower. The Skyride gondolas. Thanks to her, we do them all. Did I mention I have always been afraid of heights? I think they mixed her up with another kid in the hospital nursery. It’s OK. I can skip cardio exercises this week. My heart rate is elevated just thinking about our high-flying adventures.
When did uber short shorts and winter boots worn together become a fashion statement? I obviously don’t get out much. Do people look at themselves in the mirror before they go out in shorts, or don’t they really care? I could barely make it through my bag of 20 mini-donuts while looking at the thighs of the 60-something sitting next to me on the curb.
And am I the only Minnesotan without a tattoo? Wait, do my radiation markers count as official tats? Then, yeah, I’m so in.
I only got lost once. Thankfully, we had friends kicked back in the Leinie loungers (who shall go unnamed as to protect the innocent). They were able to direct me to my 6 ft., 4 inch, husband. Hey! Cut me some slack. He was sitting!
In summation, we dropped a ton of cash on food, some good, some not so much. We walked until Shaina cried, I nearly wet myself, we saw a pig get his temperature taken. And I made a 3-year-old cry. Oh yeah, it was a good day. Until next year Minnesota!