He didn’t get the script

I was with a group of friends  (most of whom are also looking at middle age through a rear-view mirror).  One of the women said her husband needs someone to dress him.  She added he doesn”t accept her advice, but “all our daughter has to do is shake her head and he’s on his way upstairs.”

I could relate.  A few days ago I told my husband, as we were getting dressed for a theater engagement, that his shirt and pants didn’t match.  Five minutes later, I asked him if he thought the outfit I had on worked.  To which he replied, “You just told me I couldn’t dress myself and now you want me to dress you?  What is wrong with you?!”

One of my wiser friends asked if I really wanted him to give me advice on my wardrobe.  Of course not!  Everyone else nodded with understanding.   She said,  “Women need to be told that they are beautiful.  But men aren’t good at that.  So we fish for compliments.”

She’s right. I wasn’t looking for his opinion nor his advice (most of us get enough of that without being asked).  I was looking for words that affirmed he thought I was lovely and that I was loved. 

My friends knew immediately what I was asking; my husband of 36 years did not.  And, in thinking back on it, I realize when I told him his wardrobe didn’t match he took it personally, that I was criticizing him.  I surely did not mean it that way.

When God made men and women as different as He did, He really should have provided us with scripts so we didn’t mess up the dialogue! 

To all my female friends out there — Every one of you is beautiful, absolutely lovely!  And to my husband (and all other husbands out there):  The next time your wife asks you if her clothing “works,” your answer should be, “You look lovely!”  If she’s not so lovely at that moment, nice will do.  And, adding a hug or a little kiss just might get you into the “best husband” hall of fame!

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One thought on “He didn’t get the script

  1. Very insightful blog, Vicki! I have to add that I do love Bruce’s perspective when he said, “You just told me I couldn’t dress myself and now you want me to dress you?” Your reflection on the situation is one that is needed, too, as there are many couples who forget the very simple concept that you wrote about. I’ve been married three times and it wasn’t until I met and married my third husband (nearly 17 years now!) that I realized a man could really express those sentiments. Somedays I have to shake my head and marvel at Bob’s ability to give me a hug and tell me how much he loves me or how beautiful he thinks I am, even in those moments when I may be dirty and sweaty from housework or yard work! Your blog has just reminded me that I should never take that for granted. Thank you!

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